Jokes

[Neelima]

Wife buys 10 underwears of same color for hubby....

Hubby: Why same color sweetheart....People will think that I never change my underwear.

Wife: Which people??

Hubby remains Silent

[Neelima]

Alia reading newspaper..
News: “Indian athlete lost gold medal in long jump”
Alia comments:Idiot !! Who told him to wear gold medal while jumping!!!

[anita]

नए सूत्र और अच्छे चुटकलों के लिए आभार

[Neelima]

Teacher: How much is 2+2?
Student: 7
Teacher: How is it possible?
Student: 4 + VAT + Service Tax + Higher Education Cess + Primary Education Cess + Swacch Bharat Cess + Krushi Kalyan Cess. Thus total comes to 7

[Neelima]

Once a bright intelligent young man went for IAS interview. He was asked -
Q 1. When did India get independence?
He answered - The efforts started long back; but could succeed in 1947.
Q 2. Who were the persons, who played important role in this fight for independence?
Answer - There are many people, who were involved and contributed in this. If I give a name, it will be injustice to others.
Q 3. Do you think, corruption is the greatest enemy of the country?
Answer - A committee is investigating in this matter. I can give a correct reply to this only after seeing the report.
The interview board was impressed by his original ideas. They asked him to wait outside; but also advised him not to reveal the questions, as they may ask the same questions to other candidates also.
When the young man went out of the room, Jimmy inquired about the questions asked.
The young man said that he had promised the interview board not to disclose the questions.
But, Jimmy found a way out. "Tell me the answer you gave"..
The young man, thought it to be okay, as he was not going back on his words of "not disclosing the QUESTIONS".
So he gave him the three answer which Jimmy quickly learnt by heart.
When Jimmy went in for interview, this is what happened.
Q 1. When were you born?
Jimmy - The efforts started long back, but could succeed in 1947.
Interviewers got confused...they asked next question.
Q 2. What is your father's name?
Jimmy :- There are many people, who were involved and contributed in this. If I give a name, it will be injustice to others.
The board members were shocked at the reply..they said.
Q 3. Are you mad?
Jimmy :- A committee is investigating in this matter. I can give a correct reply to this only after seeing the report.

[Neelima]

Man: why do I find so many stones in my pulaav?

Waitress: Sir, if I'm not wrong, u ordered 'Kashmiri Pulaav' ..

Man: O shit...

[Neelima]

*In class*
.
*Teacher:*
Zulu, why are you down today?

*Zulu:*
Because mum is in hospital and Dad is at the police station..
*Teacher:*
Ooh sorry dear, do you want to go home?

*Zulu:*
Yes...teacher.
.
Zulu goes home and teacher ask the remaining pupils.
*Teacher:*
Why is zulu's father at the police station and the mother in hospital?

*Pupils:*
Because his father is a policeman and the mother is a nurse

*Teacher:*

Stupid child! call him back!!!

[Neelima]

A beautiful girl asked me in a restaurant: "Are you single?"

Happily I replied: " Yes...."

She took away the extra chair in front of me.

[Neelima]

A Grammar freak arrogant wife texts to her husband...

You are as useless as
"ueue" in the word Queue.

[Neelima]

A girl was with her father when she saw her boyfriend coming...
GIRL: Have you come to collect your book titled "DADDY IS AT HOME?" by Ngozi Okafor
BOY: No, I want that your hymns book called "WHERE SHOULD I WAIT FOR YOU?"
GIRL: I don't have that one but may be you should take the other one titled "UNDER THE MANGO
TREE" by Chimamanda Adichie
BOY: Fine, but don't forget to bring "I WILL CALL YOU IN 5 MINUTES" while coming to school
GIRL: I will also bring you a new one too titled"I WON'T LET YOU DOWN" by Chinua Achebe
Then;
DAD: Those books are too many, will he read them all
GIRL: Yes dad, he is very smart intelligent
DAD: Okay don't forget to give him the one on the table titled "I AM NOT STUPID, I UNDERSTOOD
EVERYTHING YOU'VE BEEN SAYING" by Shakespeare!