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Thread: Jokes

  1. #21
    हास्य साम्राज्ञी Neelima's Avatar
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    Murphy dropped dead the moment he arrived home from a vacation in the Tropics. He was laid out in the coffin for friends and neighbors to pay their last respects.

    "He's got a great tan," Mrs Doolan from next door mused. "The holiday did him the world of good."

    "And he looks so calm and serene," said Mrs McGuiness.

    "That's because he died in his sleep," explained Mrs Murphy, "and he doesn't know he's dead yet, but when he wakes up, the shock will kill Him!"

  2. #22
    हास्य साम्राज्ञी Neelima's Avatar
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    Two tough union men were working on a building site when Murphy fell from the second floor scaffolding.

    "Are ya dead?" cried Gallagher from above.

    "To be sure I am," replied Murphy.

    "You are such a liar Murphy that I don't know whether to believe you or not!" called Gallagher.

    "That proves I'm dead," said Murphy's voice from the rubble below, "because if I was alive you wouldn't be game to call me a liar!"

  3. #23
    हास्य साम्राज्ञी Neelima's Avatar
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    Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
    Johnny: "Seven."
    Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
    Johnny: "Seven."
    Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
    Johnny: "Six."
    Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
    Johnny: "Seven!"
    Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
    Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"

  4. #24
    हास्य साम्राज्ञी Neelima's Avatar
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    A blond guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What happened?!?" he says in panic. "I'm having a heart attack!" cries the woman.

    He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"

    The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor.

    "You rotten bastard," says the husband, "my wife is having a heart attack and you're running around naked and scaring the kids!!!"

  5. #25
    हास्य साम्राज्ञी Neelima's Avatar
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    "Dad, I don't want to go to school today." said the boy.

    "Why not, son?"

    "Well, one of the chickens on the school farm died last week and we had chicken soup for lunch the next day. Then three days ago one of the pigs died and we had roast pork the next day."

    "But why don't you want to go today?"

    "Because our English teacher died yesterday!"

  6. #26
    हास्य साम्राज्ञी Neelima's Avatar
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    Judge: ¿Why did you steal the car?¿
    Man: ¿I had to get to work.¿
    Judge: ¿Why didn¿t you take the bus?¿
    Man: I don¿t have a driver¿s license for the bus.

  7. #27
    हास्य साम्राज्ञी Neelima's Avatar
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    Wife : Jaanu, Kya..mein tumhare dreams me aati hun?

    Husband : Nahi yar...

    Wife : Kyon....?

    Husband : Mein Hanuman Chalisa padkar sotha hun....

  8. #28
    हास्य साम्राज्ञी Neelima's Avatar
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    A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

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